Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Words to Save Humanity

Friday, May 7th, 2010

Okay, for some reason I’m obsessed with doomsday. I often fantasize about being one of only a handful of people left in the world. No government. No society. No formal anything really. It’s our job to start all over again. All we have are a few remaining buildings, some partially stocked grocery stores and our own moral compasses to guide us. Sort of like the survivors of the super flu outbreak in Steven King’s The Stand.

This morning I was thinking about my value as a member of that new society. What could I contribute? I’ll spare you the myopic details. But I do invite you to play along with my imaginings.

Give one skill you possess that would be useful in the rebuilding of society. It could be physical, analytical, interpersonal, whatever — it’s up to you. The point is, put your abilities in a saucepan and reduce them down to their simplest form.

Here’s mine:  Communication — big picture.

Come on, share. Then we’ll go loot the Dominicks.

What’s Eating You?

Wednesday, October 7th, 2009

I’m in Washington D.C. today with some folks from Safe Tables Our Priority (STOP) and Make Our Food Safe. We’re here lobbying for – you guessed it – safer food. Most of us on the trip are either victims of serious food contamination or are here to represent a loved one whose life ended or was changed forever simply by eating –ironically something that we all do to survive.

First let me say that I am very fortunate that my mom, who became ill from spinach contaminated with E. Coli 0157:H7 three years ago, is still alive. Sadly, others here are not so lucky.

Back in 2006, mom lived by the notion that 80 is the new 60. She traveled, cooked, volunteered and as a gifted pianist, taught, accompanied and performed throughout her community in central Illinois. That all changed thanks to the Dole Company and its spinach supplier in California. After suffering kidney failure, dialysis and months of recovery in the hospital followed by a nursing home, she sold her cozy house and most of her belongings and moved into a senior community where medical care is on-hand 24/7.

Cut to the present day. There is a bill in a Senate committee that could drastically reduce outbreaks caused by food borne pathogens like E. Coli 0157:H7 and Salmonella, which currently sicken over 75 million people each year.

Food safety reform is long overdue – given that the systems that supposedly safeguard you from ingesting deadly bacteria were put in place back in 1906, partly as the result of public outcry from Upton Sinclair’s classic “The Jungle,” a shocking look at the heinous conditions in America’s turn-of-the-century stockyards and meat packing plants. Ouch!

I don’t know about you but that makes me sick.

If you ask me, the food biz — including how they pick, pluck, pack and process just about everything we eat — has changed dramatically in the last one hundred years. Especially since the advent of nifty stuff like tractors, fertilization, pesticides, corporate farming, Cellophane, microwave cooking, freeze-drying and vacuum packaging.

While we’re here, my fellow advocates and I are meeting with members of the Senate to encourage a swift enactment of bill S-510, introduced by Sen. Dick Durbin of Illinois. Basically the bill as it exists today calls for more frequent inspections, stricter food testing procedures and the mandatory reporting of pathogens found in food samples. It also helps ensure the safety of imported foods and empowers the FDA to recall products deemed unsafe.

If you’d like to help ensure that the food you put in your body or serve to your kids and loved ones is safe to eat, contact your state senator. Tell him or her you have a beef with the status quo. Tell them you want a big fat juicy helping of food safety reform. And you want it now, before yet another tainted product hits the shelves and sends someone to the hospital. Or the morgue.

Bon appetit.

www.safetables.org         www.makeourfoodsafe.org        www.adlibmktg.com

Are Your Briefs Filled With Crap? Here’s how to clean them up.

Tuesday, June 16th, 2009

Few things in advertising are as certain as this: You give a writer and an art director a pile of poop and you’ll get one back. With a logo and some supers on it.

From conference rooms to cubicles to corner offices throughout advertising land, well-meaning agency teams are short-sheeting their clients with short-sighted input documents. Needless to say the result is a tragic waste of money and talent.

As a writer-for-hire, I get handed a lot of sow’s ears with the expectation for silk stockings in return. There are myriad reasons why stinky briefs are the norm. Mostly these have to do with the current state of the workforce: lack of mentoring, poor staffing, shrinking budgets and whiplash turnaround times. But those are topics for another day.

The purpose of this crafty blog is to help inspire more powerful messaging and imagery– with a few insights from a writer who has lots of mileage on her keyboard and loads of experience receiving, and occasionally giving back, yes that’s right – crap. If you are an agency creative, please forward this to your favorite offender. If you are a newbie account type, take notes.

So, here we go: A very brief look at how to avoid writing a sucky brief. Part One.

Tell me the assignment
For the love of Leo, give your creative team a deliverable. Give the art director something better to do with her time than scouring BlueFly for new Dior shades. Create a campaign. Write a brochure. Design a website. These are assignments. If you have absolutely no idea what media to ask for, you’re not ready to start creative execution.

Get busy with the objective (aka the desired outcome)
Your objective should state an action, preferably the one that you want your customer to take. Buy two rolls. Log on for reservations. Feel smart and sexy.

Please don’t tell me our objective is to Create a communications vehicle that increases sales. This is the grand canyon of goals. Send me in there and I’ll wander aimlessly in the wilderness for eons.

Increased sales is a marketing objective. Stating this as the purpose of an ad won’t get you any closer to breakthrough creativity than a pep talk from the folks in accounting. Zzzzzz. This doesn’t mean that selling isn’t important. Hell that’s the whole reason we’re in business. But if you want your brief to inspire effective communications, you have to get out of your head and into someone else’s. Hence, my next point–

Climb inside your customer’s head
Who is the target audience? Seems like a no-brainer, right? But what can you tell me about their physical or emotional state? Effective creative comes from an understanding of the customer’s attitudes, perceptions and past behavior, not from their marital status, age and income. Duh, we all know this. So why do we continually cheat ourselves out of a chance to be really relevant by avoiding the topic? Creative folks have to work mighty hard to hit a customer’s sweet spot if all they know is she’s a married women over 40.

Then there’s the matter of the Consumer Insight. This is where we drill down into Maslow territory and explore what your audience needs. Whiter whites. Faster fillups. A family night out for under 25 bucks. That’s what they’re thinking about so that’s what you should be talking about.

Trust me, if your brief reveals the right buttons to push, you’re going to make a sale — hopefully to the client and most certainly to the customer. What’s more, when your start-up document focuses on the audience and its relationship to your product, the creative team has fewer excuses for coming back to you with crap mounted on quarter-inch foam core.

Okay, so enough blathering for today. Next time, we’re going to tackle the dreaded Key Message and Support.

Till then, happy creating.


Beyond Belief

Friday, March 20th, 2009

(excerpt from A Life Beyond Belief, by Martha Porter-Fiszer)

When I was alive, I spent a lot of time thinking about death.

I wondered why anyone would ever want to die and just what it would take for me to off myself or, as Kurt Vonnegut would say, to shut my own peephole. I always concluded that my condition would have to be terminal – that I would be suffering the physical pain of some horrible, incurable disease before I could ever welcome death, let alone seek it out as an acceptable course of action.

But look at me now. Here I am, dead as a corpse and I did it myself without so much as a hangnail or a minor bacterial infection to drive me to the brink. Okay, so I’m not really physically dead but hey, emotionally, I’m a total flat-liner and this is exactly where I want to be, where blah meets heavy sigh for lunch. No more oppression inflicted by a memory that hangs around like an old boyfriend, leaving my life in disarray and my soul in shreds. No sir-y not for me. Not anymore. I killed off any and all feelings: The pain, the rage, the sadness, passion, joy. BANG! I shot down the mother ship of emotion and I blew up the escape pod so that I would never have to feel anything again.

It was easy really. I simply got up, took a shower, fed the cat and emptied the garbage. Then I sat on the sofa, picked up the remote, pushed the button and CLICK, I gave my feelings a dirt nap. I banished them from my brain forever. Buh bye. And unlike a physical suicide, there was no mess to clean up afterwards. No Kurt Cobain smoking gun. No empty prescription bottle drama. Not even so much as an emotional suicide note. Just me sharing a moment with Judge Judy, the sole witness to my demise.

I must say, this new state of numbness suits me just fine and so I have decided that this is where I shall remain, on the sofa of life, for the rest of my days, forever freed from the enormity of my loss.

www.mypersonabooks.com

Ten Tips for Crafting a Killer Home Page (or how to write web stuff that sells)

Wednesday, February 25th, 2009

1. Make it about them, not you
-Put yourself in your reader’s mind
-Frame your content according to his or her fears, needs, problems, wants

2. Be the solution
-Position you, your company or your product as the answer to their needs
-Give me a reason to respond

3. Promise benefits. Support with features.
-“Save time,” “protect your posture,” “learn to play like a pro” — these are benefits
-“Long-life battery,” “telescopic handle,” “top-ranked tennis teacher” — these are features

4. Offer a Unique Selling Proposition (USP)
-Differentiate your product with a distinct characteristic or benefit
-Play up one quality that no one else can

5. Forget words like “best,” “premier,” “leading” and number one” — unless you can prove it

6. Say stuff once and move on
-Organize your copy points by topic
-Avoid redundancy
-Don’t say the same thing different ways (like I just did)

7. One person at a time, please
-You’ll never be everything to everybody
-Define your audience
-If you have more than one, direct them to their own section within your site

8. Use your voice
-Match your copy tone to the personality of your product and to the layout
-If it’s hip and casual, be glib, WTF
-If it’s sleek and sophisticated, pen with polish and panache

9. Tell me where to go and what to do
-Directions are good
-It’s okay to say, “buy now,” “click here,” “check out this site”

10.Be brief or say buh bye
-Assume your reader has the attention span of a tic
-Keep it short or you’ll lose them
-Save the long paragraphs and fine details for 2nd and 3rd layer pages

www.adlibmktg.com

Acute Angina. And Other Adorable Ailments.

Tuesday, February 17th, 2009

By Helen Blatz

I turned sixty last week. My kids threw me a party with a cake, streamers, sparkling wine, the whole shebang. Until then I’d never witnessed a cake with sixty candles on it. Once they were lighted, I’m certain you could see my backyard from space. Of course I was obliged to blow them out. “Come on, honey, it’s not the last blow job you’ll give tonight!” My horny husband of fifteen years shouted. He has poor hearing and no shame. He continuously brags about our sex life and has no qualms about sharing our more amorous adventures with just about anyone. Ever since we installed that hanging basket in the bedroom, I’ve noticed that the mailman looks at me differently.

Old age is a cold-hearted bitch with a 14-inch strap on.

That’s how I feel though I must confess the metaphor is borrowed from the TV show Dexter. Now that I’m a sexagenarian (an apt label for anyone over fifty with a wicker sex chair suspended from the ceiling of their boudoir) original thought is a thing of the past. It’s as if all synaptic activity has migrated south to my lower intestines, transforming itself into pulsing waves of flatulence along the way. If I had my druthers, I would have blown out my birthday candles with a mighty gust from the old caboose. But I have my position on the church membership committee to consider.

I must say, although the numbers six and zero together scare the hell out of me, my health is no source of worry these days. I feel great and plan to live for another sixty years at least. Sadly, this is not the case for some of my pals in book club. They’ve started dropping like thongs at a Viagra convention. My first husband’s cousin, Betsy (a.k.a. gay fat Betts according to my oldest son), read her last Oprah book a couple of months ago. She cashed it in shortly after scarfing down a bear claw from the food court in Macy’s basement. Apparently she had stopped taking her insulin during the Clinton administration while continuing to satiate her life-long sweet tooth with assorted treats from department store bakeries. Ketoascidosis is what it’s called. That’s when the body has too much sugar hanging around because the pancreas is no longer converting it into energy. This sends the system into shock and shuts down pretty much every life-sustaining organ. The person slips into a coma and eventually dies. Diabetes is a cold-hearted bitch with spurs and a bullwhip.

Fred, my first husband, died under the grip of acute angina. Trust me, there was nothing cute about it, though the paramedic who tried to revive him had an adorable cleft in his chin. I’m not going to go into the details of watching your sole lover of twenty-three years hit the floor like a stone but needless to say that appalling image will remain embedded in my psyche for an eternity, or until the day I finally leave this ghastly planet and head to that big bakery in the sky – where presumably Betsy will be waiting, Oprah book and bear claw in hand.

www.mypersonabooks.com

Let’s say TTYL to the fine art of crafting ads

Thursday, February 5th, 2009

Okay, so I admit I haven’t completely immersed myself in the world of marketing 2.0. It’s not that I’m a total technophobe. It’s just I’m struggling with the apparent reality that anyone can do my job, and the job of my pals in the art department.

Blog pages, Youtube posts, twitter profiles — social media has put communication arts in the hands of the people – people who didn’t study Burnett, Bernbach or Ogilvy. Grade schoolers, college kids, entrepreneurs and budget-freaked brand managers, these are the new stars of advertising and to them there’s nothing sacred about headlines, fade ins or fonts. These folks have never obsessed over the size of a logo or squinted at a screen till 3 am while perfecting an ad. They are marketing civilians who wouldn’t know a jump cut or ho-hum headline if it bit ‘em in the booty text. Nowadays, a clean layout smacks of corporate sanitization. And when it comes to commercials, who needs a meticulously edited music track when you can have a million hits on a homemade video featuring some pimply kid bastardizing your brand alongside his Casio keyboard?

Kerning? F o r g e d d u h b o u t i t! Syntax? Of this they have not understanding.

I recently asked a relatively young video editor to add a few frames to the tails of a scene. I thought it would make a smoother cut. I think he was more concerned it would cut into his lunch. I got a virtual eye roll and an email pushback in the form of, “If that’s what you really want.” In his defense, who wants to work on old-fashioned paid media when you could be posting your band’s latest gig on Facebook? And potentially reaching a highly receptive audience for practically zero dollars.

The fact that copywriting (the discipline which took me, oh let’s see, about a couple of decades to master) is now in the hands of the masses is not so painful for me as the reality that consumers don’t seem to give a Twitter (or is it Tweet?) about clunky type or heavy-handed copy. Today, it’s the lack of production quality that gets noticed. Amateur gets the Gold Pencil in the new world.

Whether this nascent era of raw and unrefined is really moving product off the shelves or making phones ring remains to be seen. But as long as ad dollars run short and consumer attention spans run even shorter, it’s certainly here to stay. As for me, this self-proclaimed copy perfectionist is trying her hand at a few reckless rants on a cookie-cutter blog site.

So far, I rather like it. TTYL.
Martha
adlibmktg.com
mypersonabooks.com